Gender Spectacular
It Feels Good to be Yourself; The Gender Wheel; The Pronoun Book; Ho’Onani Hula Warrior; Beyond the Gender Binary
Happy NonBinary Awareness Week! Yes, it’s just about over - wish I’d had it together to get this out earlier… but why? This is not some fleeting, soon-to-expire moment. Our eldest kiddo is gender non-binary, along with a hearty half of their second grade classmates. And with very few exceptions, the majority of adults I end up discussing such stuff with comment: “That’s great! Can you imagine if we’d grown up with acceptance like this??” What fuller people we might all be. Maybe we’d have been happier in our teens. Maybe we’d have grown our self-confidence bigger and earlier. Maybe we could’ve kept that friendship. Maybe we’d still talk with that family member. Can. You. Imagine??? Anyway, it’s not all roses and neopronouns. Folks like law professor Khiara Bridges are still schooling senators like Josh Hawley on how actively denying the existence of people perpetuates violence against them. (So glad to find a new hero this week!) And even in San Francisco, in my own mouth and mind, there are mistakes we might chalk up to hardwired grammar programming but actually betray our reluctance to admit being wrong, our shame for not seeing or understanding, our fear for what it might mean. With the blessing of my eldest, I’m happy to share a handful of books my family has used to support our understanding of gender as a nuanced, expansive, and revelatory facet of personhood.
It Feels Good To Be Yourself is a picture book that simply introduces a group of characters who represent a variety of gender identities. I like books like this for very young kids because they function almost as definitionals. The author of the book was a cohost of my very favorite parenting podcast, One Bad Mother, which I’ll never be able to recommend enough.
It Feels Good To Be Yourself. 2019, Theresa Thorn, Noah Grigni. Target age: PreK-Gr2 [read aloud, libraries, book stores]
The Gender Wheel and The Pronoun Book are for slightly older kids – both offer a depth of vocabulary to extend our understanding of gender. Gender Wheel uses the concept of nested wheels that can be turned independently to represent a person’s body (physical manifestation of biological sex), their experience of gender, and their pronouns. It emphasizes that nature favors diversity and that gender diversity has long been a part of many cultures. The Pronoun Book describes the function of personal pronouns, and examples of the way pronouns are used by people of different genders. It also gives many concrete examples of ways to let people know your pronouns, ways to ask, and ways to correct. The back of the book includes a table of neopronouns and their cases, a glossary, plus templates for letters to other parents and teachers.
The Gender Wheel. 2018, Maya Christina Gonzalez. Target age: Gr2-5 [read aloud, libraries, book stores]
The Pronoun Book. 2022, Cassandra Jules Corrigan, Jem Milton. Target age:Gr2-5 [read aloud coming to IG soon, libraries, book stores]
Ho’Onani Hula Warrior is a picture book based on the true story of a Hawaiian middle schooler, a girl who is not very girlish and not completely boyish, a person who is “in the middle.” Ho’Onani leads the boys hulu group, a role that is traditionally reserved for people who are assigned male at birth. I like this book because it reflects some tension around Ho’Onani’s gender, but she enjoys the broad support of her family, school, and peers. I also strongly recommend the short documentary the book is based on, “A Place In the Middle,” which is great for kids, and includes a little more detail about the history of the māhū gender in Hawaii and the suppression of this third gender by European colonists and American missionaries. You can watch it for free at their website of the same name.
Ho’Onani Hula Warrior. 2019, Heather Gale, Mika Song. Target age:PreK-Gr2 [read aloud, libraries, book stores]
Finally, a book for teens, and maybe tween, and adults – Beyond the Gender Binary is Alok Vaid-Menon’s personal story, and also their responses to common questions and skeptical critiques they have faced as a gender nonconforming person.
Beyond the Gender Binary. 2020, Alok Vaid-Menon. Target age: teens/YA [author interview/trailer, libraries, book stores]